I’ve spent the last few years creating new life. I’ve gone through pregnancy, breastfeeding, and child rearing the most amazing little girl with the biggest heart. I’ve also created new life within myself. I’ve put in the time, effort, suffering, patience, and due diligence required for deep healing. The kind of healing where you release death, decay, parasites, find a void, and fill the void with new vibrant tissue. I’ve gained great appreciation for the human journey and the inherent healing capability stored inside each and every one of us.
My life was turned upside down when I received a Lyme diagnosis a few years back. I had been sick for years and finally had a label for the symptoms and suffering. That night I cried for hours. There were some tears of relief, but most of the tears were to mourn the children I never had. I was raised to be a career woman, a doctor. And it wasn’t until that moment that I knew I wanted to be a mother. With symptoms of endometriosis and confirmed chronic Lyme disease, I was told I was infertile and children may never be in my future.
My prognosis was dim. My LLMD told me I was one of his most sensitive patients. After months of intensive Lyme treatments with him, he admitted he could no longer help me. My neurological symptoms became extreme as I was suffering from hundred of partial complex seizures a day. I could no longer work. I could no longer live. I was in pure survival mode not knowing how to face another day of pain and agony. I realized then that no other human being could be as invested as I was in my healing journey. I didn’t have the answers, but I knew I had an entire life to live and I was determined to live it with quality. I was only 23 years old. I wasn’t about to let anyone convince me that I couldn’t have a family or a life with chronic illness. Shortly afterwards, I discovered coffee enemas, liver flushes, and my journey to vibrant health was finally on track.
As of today, I have completed a full series of liver flushes. It took about 30 flushes to stop passing stones. I have completed 36 in total with 5 flushes that produced no stones or parasites. I spent two years doing daily coffee enemas, up to 4 in one day. Then I gradually reduced to once a week or as needed. I gradually transitioned from a SAD to a whole food plant based diet. I have been gluten-free for over 5 years with no desire to ingest wheat or glyphosate ridden foods. I eat organic whenever possible and fresh produce daily. I have been vegan for 2.5 years and have no desire to eat animal products.
I learned to meditate and listen to my intuition and gut instinct. I switched from intense exercise 6 days a week to moderate exercise 3-4 times a week. I love a weekly Epsom salt bath and loading up on greens and seaweed to keep my magnesium levels high. I no longer benefit from enemas. I no longer need liver flushes. I no longer take any pharmaceuticals or supplements. I no longer experience seizures. I no longer associate with any disease. I was included in the 1% of women who successfully give birth at home as a first-time mother. I was able to breastfeed for 20 months.
What does life after Lyme look like? It takes form in the understanding and appreciation of natural cycles. I am a mature woman who honors her menstrual cycle. I understand my cyclical and seasonal nature. I embrace seasonal shifts and their associated viral infections. I understand that there is a natural time to cleanse and a natural time to build. There is a time to express oneself externally in the world and a time to go inwards and reflect. I understand pain is a message from my body. Listening to that pain has given me the ability to change for the better. I understand the physical and energetic impact of the substances that I ingest daily. I have a great appreciation for my elimination organs and pathways. I have a great appreciation for the ability to move my body and to let it rest. I have a great appreciation for all emotions and their lessons.
What’s next on my healing journey? My physical body has healed significantly with the lifestyle factors I have diligently implemented. I have shifted my focus from physical healing to emotional and energetic healing. Energy medicine has been with me since I first worked with a functional LLMD. He introduced me to muscle testing, a method I have implemented and a skill I have honed for year. Now, I am diving into ancient knowledge and wisdom of the energetic body. I’m facing imbalances in my chakra system, connecting my electrics, and repairing damage to my basic grid. I’m facing fears, long held physical and emotional trauma, and working through limiting beliefs. I’m decalcifying my pineal gland and finding a better balance between intellect and intuition. I’m discovering balance with my divine feminine and divine masculine energies.
My life is transitioning from one of repair to one of creation. My second child is nestled away in the comfort of my womb growing bigger and stronger daily. I’ve learned to enjoy and embrace pregnancy as a phase of building. My boobs and belly are growing, my mind is expanding, and my dreams for myself and the world around me are building. I’m ready to share the knowledge and experience I’ve gained. I’ve healed myself and now I’m ready to help others do the same. It’s time to create, to connect, and manifest a new world.
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This is a story of my experience with a recent healing crisis. I’m sifting through the progression of events to further understand my body, my cycle, and its healing mechanisms. My hope is that by sharing this story others may develop a deeper understanding of their own healing mechanisms.
A healthy body is responsive and adaptive. A healthy body will experience discomfort and a range of sensations, energy levels, and nutrition needs. This has been a very important revelation for me. As an athlete and a singer growing up in a man’s world, I was taught I had to be linear and ‘consistent’ to be successful. I interpreted this as sticking to a strict training regime and never falling ill to prevent sub optimal performance. I pushed myself until my body could no longer be pushed. I’ve spent a lot of time resting and healing over the past couple of years. The problem with the linear approach is that women are not linear; by nature women are cyclical, or even spiral. Becoming a mother has taught me very important lessons, one of which is understanding my moon cycle.
Pre-pregnancy, I intuitively knew that I was infertile. Many women who have Lyme disease struggle with fertility issues. In fact when I first hear my Lyme diagnosis, I cried for hours mourning the children I never had. In that moment, I knew I wanted to be a mother, but had to face the very real possibility that my body was not healthy enough to grow and sustain another life. I had signs of endometriosis. I had severe nutrition deficiencies. I had low estrogen. And I had issues with the left side of my pelvic region. I was too scared to be told I was infertile, so I never got tested. My hope was that if I figured out my other health issues, then my fertility issues would also resolve on their own.
Six months after beginning liver flushes, I became pregnant with my rainbow child. My menstrual cycle returned four months postpartum. This has been an interesting journey breastfeeding and menstruating simultaneously. Both require a great amount of energy, nutrition, and rest. At these times, women need to go inward, listen, and respect the ever changing needs of her body.
In January, I had a very difficult mid cycle experience. I suspect that I was dealing with an ovarian cyst that had burst. After a week or so the symptoms resolved. I used yoga to rehabilitate my pelvic and core regions, and soon felt as good as new.
In February, I had no mid cycle discomfort. I had mild emotional PMS, the shortest cycle of my life (22 days), and the heaviest menstruation, which ironically fell on Athena’s birthday party. At the one year mark postpartum, the heavy bleeding reminded me of the intense bleeding following childbirth. I embraced this by wearing a red dress for the birthday party to celebrate my fertility. The sensations I felt indicated that I ovulated from my right ovary in February.
In March, I was feeling amazing from day three to nine of my cycle. I went on a few runs. Felt strong with my energy flowing well. I didn’t have any excess tension. My mind was sharp. My mood was optimistic. I was happy to be alive in this body. There was a moment when I reminisced on how much pain I used to be in and how I no longer felt that pain. Then on day ten of my cycle, I began feeling abdominal and muscle cramping. Tension creeped into all of my muscles. My lymph nodes became swollen and sore. My spleen felt tender and overwhelmed. My stomach became nauseous. My digestive fire diminished. I felt extremely fatigued to the point of adrenal exhaustion. I felt a need to rest in bed as much as possible. If I was laying still, then I felt okay. The more I moved physically, the worse I felt. Movement triggered hot flashes and muscles to freeze up mid motion.
If you look at a hormone chart for menstruation, you will see that the body increases its production of estrogen, LH, and FSH in the few days leading up to ovulation. Since my body is constantly production prolactin for breastmilk, I figured my adrenals were struggling to keep up with total hormone production. Prolactin keeps estrogen levels low, so that partially explains the hot flashes. I took note to rest more and eat foods high in fat and vitamin c to assist hormone production.
On day twelve of my menstrual cycle, I hit total adrenal exhaustion. I could not handle stress or physical activity. I was too tired to pick up my baby girl. I could feel EBV taking over my whole body. A few years ago, I was unable to function for a few months as I struggled with mono. I know this sensation well. I felt tenderness and inflammation in my lower legs, all of my lymph nodes, shoulders, neck, spleen, stomach, and brain along with total exhaustion. My illness lead to vomiting up leftovers from the night before. I had not felt that experience since the year I developed food sensitivities when I was still eating conventional animal products, gluten, and processed food. Since my diet changes, I rarely vomit, not even during pregnancy.
When the muscle tension and inflammation started, I did yoga to keep my energy flowing, but found myself intolerant to light exercise. When the abdominal cramping became intense, I drank a dose of Epsom salt just in case I was experiencing gallbladder issues. Next, I did a coffee enema to help reduce inflammation. After the enema, I passed foam cholesterol crystals from my bile ducts. This helped reduce symptoms temporarily, but was not a solution to my problem. Next, I took an Epsom salt bath to support my lymph system. This helped temporarily, but the muscle tension creeped right back in. I stretched several times a day and rolled my back out with a tennis ball as a deep, painful massage. My husband also gave me a deep massage, but the tension came back immediately. As my usual troubleshooting methods were not successfully reliving discomfort, I realized that I was amidst an intense healing crisis. I was not muscle testing well to nutrient dense foods or responding well to detox protocols. My body had all of the energy and nutrition it needed to heal whatever it needed heal. All I needed was rest, hydration with coconut water, and time to heal.
On day twelve of my cycle, I woke up with the entire left side of my body sore. It felt as though I had over exercised and injured the left side of my pelvis. All of the discomfort was stemming from my left ovary and my endocrine system. I suspect that the discomfort is a result of my body attempting to heal my left ovary and restore fertility completely. My bones, ligaments, tendons, and joints ached terribly especially in my pelvis, shoulders, and ankles. I felt pain and weakness in a particular part of my pelvis that I had felt trauma during childbirth.
On day thirteen of my cycle, I woke up with residual tension, but the adrenal exhaustion was gone. Even though I felt crappy, I was able to accomplish running errands, going for a long walk, watching an active toddler, cooking homemade meals, and washing and folding five loads of laundry. I could tell the worst of the healing crisis was over. It is likely that I had successfully ovulated on this day and my hormones levels were dropping. I ended the productive day with an Epsom salt bath to help drain the toxins from my lymph system. I stretched and fell asleep.
On day fourteen of my cycle, I woke up feeling good. There is a little residual tension in my shoulders, but my stiff neck and cramping is gone. My energy is back, and I’m feeling better than ever. My left hip feels weak, but with a few days of yoga the strength will return.
What is amazing to me is that pre-liver flush, EBV could take over my life for weeks at a time. Now, it takes over for two days and then disappears. This healing crisis obviously correlates to the hormones produced during ovulation. Perhaps ovulation is a time for deep healing and menstruation is a time for deep cleansing.
As I reflect on my experience, I can see that this was not only a healing crisis, but also a time of retracing. According to Dr. Lawrence Wilson, “Retracing is a specific type of deep healing that fully restores the anatomy and physiology of a part of the body.” I encourage everyone who is embarking on a health journey to read his article on retracing: http://www.drlwilson.com/articles/retracing.htm. Understanding the principles of healing crisis and retracing will ignite a deeper understanding of your own healing mechanisms and reduce fear of illness in times of discomfort.
How did I know that I was retracing and going through a healing crisis?
- The tissues that became inflamed had been stressed and traumatized during pregnancy and childbirth. The tendons, ligaments, bones, and spine are some of the last tissues to heal completely. The spine fully heals around one year postpartum.
- My energy levels were very high right before the healing crisis, which is an indication of a vitality high enough to tackle deep healing. My recent diet and lifestyle included high amounts of vitamin c and vitamin d, which are necessary to repair the inflamed tissues.
- I was reliving old trauma sensations. I had flashbacks of when I had previously felt that type of pain and discomfort. When I acknowledged the sensations as a healing crisis, then the symptoms began to diminish.
- None of my detox methods stopped the discomfort. The body will not begin retracing unless it can completely heal the deep trauma. This means you have to ride the wave of discomfort and not interfere or suppress symptoms.
- Food with dense nutrients muscle tested as weakening to the chi of my body. When you experience a healing reaction, excess nutrition will send the body into a more intense state of healing, which decreases vitality.
- My symptoms were short-lived. A healing crisis will last from a couple of hours to a couple of day. If symptoms persist longer, then you are experiencing illness and not a healing crisis.
- My vitality has returned to a greater capacity after the healing crisis.
I’m curious to see what happens mid cycle in May. When there is a deep trauma, the body may need to retrace through several flare-ups before the body can be whole. For now I’m grateful to have a support system that allows me to rest during healing crises and the bravery to tackle a roller coaster of sensation head on without symptom suppression.
“Every woman who heals herself helps heal all the women who came before her, and all those who come after” – Christiane Northrup.