The Art of Retracing

One of the most beautiful and difficult aspects of a deep healing journey that focuses on detox and nutritional balancing is the phenomena called retracing. This is when we begin to experience strong emotions and physical sensations that make us wonder “Am I healing? Or am I getting sick? Am I getting worse or amidst a breakthrough?” Very often when the symptoms start, it is impossible to know whether or not you are getting worse or retracing. Only in hindsight can we see what has happened. For this reason, retracing can be very scary and worrisome. How one handles these situations will determine their overall success with a lifestyle healing program.

Deep healing is not linear. The body will heal what it can when it can. It wants you to succeed and has an innate intelligent order of operations. The unpredictability and timing can be frustrating, but one must submit to the process and adapt accordingly. Every opportunity is an opportunity for growth. I want to share with you a recent story of retracing to show you what it can look like.

One month ago, I had my heaviest period this decade. After switching to a plant based diet, my periods are moderate to light with one day of heavy flow and total length of 2-3 days. I look forward to my period as a time of reflection, renewal, and cleansing. This period was different. I bled 3 times as much as I normally do. It hit me hard as I am also breastfeeding. The total amount of fluid loss left me feeling weak, anemic, and breathless regardless of what I ate or drank. I was not worried. I knew it would take time to rebuild my blood supply.

During my period, I had dreams and visions of my most traumatic experiences as a child. These particular experiences are ones I wanted to heal and move on for years, but never felt like I knew how to do so. I repressed many of the memories. I have separated myself from those who caused the abuse and trauma, but its not a topic I like to think about or discuss. It became part of my past that started to haunt me, and I didn’t like how it was affecting my present.

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Whenever I feel strong emotions and memories of my past that need to be seen and processed, I go to meditation, often meditation with the use of essential oils in an Epsom salt bath to help release the emotions and cleanse them away. This month I began using orange essential oil in my spiced cider recipe. For three days following ingesting orange essential oil for the first time, I flashed back to every emotional significant experience where I was extremely scared. I flashed back in chronological order starting as an infant, through adolescence, and into adulthood.

I noticed a theme. I was scared and powerless in every flashback. This is how I knew that the retracing was triggered by the orange essential oil and facilitated by intense cleansing in the form of my period. You see, orange is the color of our third chakra that is our power center. In order for me to fully step into my power, I need to face and release every significant moment where I was powerless. The memory will remain, but the stored emotion must be released.

I was so excited when I realized why I was feeling the emotion so intensely, because I knew my body was shifting into its power. However, the symptoms continued and got worse to the point where I became concerned. Am I getting worse due to stress and lack of sleep? I developed mastitis, and it lasted longer than I expected. My breast swelled, my arm hurt, and my lymph became backed up. I used my normal approaches for this situation, such as rest, Epsom salt baths, and cinnamon essential oil. This usually clears up a clogged duct within 24 hours for me. But this time was more complicated.

I store my energy for nurturing others in my left breast. Many of my powerless traumas involved an expectation of over nurturing others in an imbalanced or inappropriate manner. I could feel the heartache these experiences caused. In meditation, the mantra “My heart is in pain.” appeared over and over again. I felt like maybe the constant interrupted sleep of nursing a newborn multiple times a night had taken its toll and that only sleep and patience could solve this discomfort.

Then last night, I had a break through. Before bed, my husband suggested that I was processing something deep that had been stored for a long time. He recommended that I not worry and embrace what that could be. Then I went into meditation and had another intense flashback. I relived my wisdom tooth surgery: the pre-surgery jitters, the comatose state, feeling close to death, the grief of losing a body part, the fear of not being with my mom, and the illness caused by the pharmaceutical drugs.

Retracing anesthesia is as scary as it gets for me. I learned just how harmful and traumatic the surgery was for my mind, body, and soul and that it’s haunted me for over a decade. I was reminded that I was close to death in a comatose state where my body was totally paralyzed, and I was victimized. I was reminded that those drugs leave residues. They can create temporary paralysis symptoms, moments of intense fear, and limit physical range of motions. It weakened my heart and has caused many episodes of dizziness.

I understand that pharmaceutical drugs and surgery have a time and a place, but that they should be used as an absolute last resort. I was reminded why I turn to whole foods, herbs, spices, and essential oil FIRST, and why I invest so much into prevention and healthy foundational habits. I was reminded of how powerful my body is and how my liver protected me from death. My heart kept pumping and has chosen to heal from lack of love, so that I may become unconditional love for my family. I woke up with a feeling of optimism and hope.

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My heart and boob still ache. I still feel the fear and panic releasing. But I know that I am transforming into a more powerful version of myself. I am grateful to be alive. I am grateful to be able to run, jump, and sing. I’m grateful to be able to breastfeed a beautiful little girl. I’m grateful for an amazing supportive husband who does not judge me for my past or emotions and instead holds space for me to heal and grow. I’m thankful for essential oils taking my health to the next level by helping me release such powerful, stored emotions. I’m grateful for the pink roses my daughter picked out. I’m grateful for the wild blueberry pie I had for breakfast. What an amazing opportunity for growth on Thanksgiving Day!

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PS. Did you know that wild blueberries are one of the best foods to help overcome life and death situations? Wild blueberry bushes can be burned to the ground and will come back stronger than ever.

Lyme Elixir Life Update

1481978482297I’ve spent the last few years creating new life. I’ve gone through pregnancy, breastfeeding, and child rearing the most amazing little girl with the biggest heart. I’ve also created new life within myself. I’ve put in the time, effort, suffering, patience, and due diligence required for deep healing. The kind of healing where you release death, decay, parasites, find a void, and fill the void with new vibrant tissue. I’ve gained great appreciation for the human journey and the inherent healing capability stored inside each and every one of us.

My life was turned upside down when I received a Lyme diagnosis a few years back. I had been sick for years and finally had a label for the symptoms and suffering. That night I cried for hours. There were some tears of relief, but most of the tears were to mourn the children I never had. I was raised to be a career woman, a doctor. And it wasn’t until that moment that I knew I wanted to be a mother. With symptoms of endometriosis and confirmed chronic Lyme disease, I was told I was infertile and children may never be in my future.

IMG_1067My prognosis was dim. My LLMD told me I was one of his most sensitive patients. After months of intensive Lyme treatments with him, he admitted he could no longer help me. My neurological symptoms became extreme as I was suffering from hundred of partial complex seizures a day. I could no longer work. I could no longer live. I was in pure survival mode not knowing how to face another day of pain and agony. I realized then that no other human being could be as invested as I was in my healing journey. I didn’t have the answers, but I knew I had an entire life to live and I was determined to live it with quality. I was only 23 years old. I wasn’t about to let anyone convince me that I couldn’t have a family or a life with chronic illness. Shortly afterwards, I discovered coffee enemas, liver flushes, and my journey to vibrant health was finally on track.

IMG_3482As of today, I have completed a full series of liver flushes. It took about 30 flushes to stop passing stones. I have completed 36 in total with 5 flushes that produced no stones or parasites. I spent two years doing daily coffee enemas, up to 4 in one day. Then I gradually reduced to once a week or as needed. I gradually transitioned from a SAD to a whole food plant based diet. I have been gluten-free for over 5 years with no desire to ingest wheat or glyphosate ridden foods. I eat organic whenever possible and fresh produce daily. I have been vegan for 2.5 years and have no desire to eat animal products.

I learned to meditate and listen to my intuition and gut instinct. I switched from intense exercise 6 days a week to moderate exercise 3-4 times a week. I love a weekly Epsom salt bath and loading up on greens and seaweed to keep my magnesium levels high. I no longer benefit from enemas. I no longer need liver flushes. I no longer take any pharmaceuticals or supplements. I no longer experience seizures. I no longer associate with any disease. I was included in the 1% of women who successfully give birth at home as a first-time mother. I was able to breastfeed for 20 months.

IMG_7282What does life after Lyme look like? It takes form in the understanding and appreciation of natural cycles. I am a mature woman who honors her menstrual cycle. I understand my cyclical and seasonal nature. I embrace seasonal shifts and their associated viral infections. I understand that there is a natural time to cleanse and a natural time to build. There is a time to express oneself externally in the world and a time to go inwards and reflect. I understand pain is a message from my body. Listening to that pain has given me the ability to change for the better. I understand the physical and energetic impact of the substances that I ingest daily. I have a great appreciation for my elimination organs and pathways. I have a great appreciation for the ability to move my body and to let it rest. I have a great appreciation for all emotions and their lessons.

What’s next on my healing journey? My physical body has healed significantly with the lifestyle factors I have diligently implemented. I have shifted my focus from physical healing to emotional and energetic healing. Energy medicine has been with me since I first worked with a functional LLMD. He introduced me to muscle testing, a method I have implemented and a skill I have honed for year. Now, I am diving into ancient knowledge and wisdom of the energetic body. I’m facing imbalances in my chakra system, connecting my electrics, and repairing damage to my basic grid. I’m facing fears, long held physical and emotional trauma, and working through limiting beliefs. I’m decalcifying my pineal gland and finding a better balance between intellect and intuition. I’m discovering balance with my divine feminine and divine masculine energies.

IMG_7194My life is transitioning from one of repair to one of creation. My second child is nestled away in the comfort of my womb growing bigger and stronger daily. I’ve learned to enjoy and embrace pregnancy as a phase of building. My boobs and belly are growing, my mind is expanding, and my dreams for myself and the world around me are building. I’m ready to share the knowledge and experience I’ve gained. I’ve healed myself and now I’m ready to help others do the same. It’s time to create, to connect, and manifest a new world.

Are you ready to join me? Are you sick of suffering from a chronic illness and want to fully heal yourself? Sign up for a health consultation to get started on the right path.

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